Tighten This! Challenge Sentence 6 [game]

this-weeks-challenge-question-marcia-riefer-johnstonWelcome to the concise-writing game, Tighten This! Here’s Challenge Sentence 6, inspired by Marshall Ennis:

This problem can be difficult; you’re encouraged to approach it with creativity.

Your revision: _______________________ [Scroll to the bottom and put your revision in a comment. To be considered for galaxy-wide glory, respond by Friday, July 10.]

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Last Week’s Challenge Sentence

In case you’re playing this game for the first time (welcome!), or in case you’ve had other things on your mind since you read last week’s Challenge Sentence, here it is again:

All original executed contracts and change orders are to be forwarded to the designated person in each office for filing in a central location.

Ray’s Pick

(Ray speaking) I looked for something like this: Send original completed contracts and change orders to your file clerk [for file clerk, substitute the title of the person in your office who does this]. This assumes that all the people who do this in all the offices have the same title, which might not be the case.

Karen Mulholland wins with this revision (29% fewer words):

Send all original executed contracts and change orders to the person who handles them for your office.

RaysPick-07-05-2015

Marcia’s Pick

(Marcia speaking) Thanks to all to participated last week, as always. Playing is the point. Since I have to pick a winner, Keith Kmett gets the nod. Here’s his revision, which, in my view, captures every essential element (reducing word count by 46%):

Send all original executed contracts and change orders to designated persons for filing.

MarciasPick-07-05-2015

How did I arrive at this translation formula? See “Write Tight(er): Get to the Point and Save Millions.”

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Again, Challenge Sentence 6

This problem can be difficult; you’re encouraged to approach it with creativity.

Your revision: _______________________ [Scroll to the bottom and put your revision in a comment by Friday, July 10.]

Go!

Index of Challenge Sentences

69 thoughts on “Tighten This! Challenge Sentence 6 [game]

  1. To solve this one, think outside the box.

    Much as I disdain the use of cliches, in this case I think it adds some color that “be creative” lacks. And if we can’t tighten colorfully, what’s the use of playing?

  2. Original: This problem can be difficult; you’re encouraged to approach it with creativity.

    My revision: With this difficult problem, try the creative approach.

  3. Although this problem can be considered difficublt, you’re encouraged to solve it using creativity.

  4. Here are my 2 options:

    – Approach difficult problems with creativity.

    – Be creative when approaching difficult problems.

  5. I have two options:

    When challenge gets hard, crack it using cheerful creativity!
    OR
    When challenge gets hard, creativity gets it going!

  6. This is a tough one. If you get stumped, pitch the wildest idea you can come up with.

  7. Pingback: Tighten This! Challenge Sentence 7 [game] - Writing.RocksWriting.Rocks

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