Tighten This! Challenge Sentence 7 [game]

this-weeks-challenge-question-marcia-riefer-johnstonWelcome to the concise-writing game, Tighten This! Here’s Challenge Sentence 7, courtesy of Elizabeth Beech, who sent me this photo:

ElizabethBeechSentence—TrailSign

It is unlawful to ride a bicycle, horse or any other vehicle on State Game Lands before 1 p.m. from Saturday, April 11th 2015 to Saturday, May 16th 2015 and it is closed all day from Monday, May 18th to Saturday, May 30th, except on Sundays due to Spring Gobbler Season.

Your revision: _______________________ [Scroll to the bottom and put your revision in a comment. Respond by Friday, July 17.]

Along with the photo, Elizabeth sent this note:

This is from a sign on a trail used for mountain biking, hiking, and horseback riding. It’s closed to this traffic during turkey season. The wording is so confusing that we had a serious debate about when one could use the trail. You’d think that restricting access to a wooded area due to hunting season, you’d want to be clear and explicit. Maybe that’s just me.

No fair suggesting a color-coded calendar or some other image. For the purposes of this game, stick with rewording. Imagine reading your revision to a blind person. Better yet, read your revision to an imagined blind person. An adventurous one.

Tips:

Psst: If you’re on Twitter, please click this tweet to share the joy of writing (and the joy of Word Up!) with fellow word lovers:

Writers—yes, you—got your copy of @MarciaRJohnston's 'Word Up!' yet? #writing #editing Click To Tweet

Last Week’s Challenge Sentence

In case you’re playing this game for the first time (welcome!), or in case you’ve had other things on your mind since you read last week’s Challenge Sentence, here it is again:

This problem can be difficult; you’re encouraged to approach it with creativity. 

Ray’s Pick

(Ray speaking) No winner this week.

With Think outside the box, Larry comes close (and gets a hat tip and some eyebrow wiggles for being the contestant to approach the problem most creatively), but he landed on the wrong cliché. Think outside the box belongs in Marcia’s book of redundanciesThink brings home the ribbon.

Mugs: If you meant to write Approach this problem creatively, then I tip my hat in your general direction. If you meant to write Approach this problem with creativity … well, thanks for playing.

Marcia’s Pick

(Marcia speaking) Anthony Deloach’s revision gets my nod this week—with nods all around to the rest of you for your suggestions, many of which nearly match his. (I went with a response that kept difficult because the original statement makes a point of declaring the problem’s difficulty.) Anthony’s revision stays true to the original language and meaning while cutting the word count by 58%:

Approach this difficult problem creatively.

Screen Shot 2015-07-10 at 1.18.16 PM

How did I arrive at this translation formula? See “Write Tight(er): Get to the Point and Save Millions.”

Video

Don’t see my video below? See it on YouTube.

Sign Up!

Want to play Tighten This! every week? Want a shot of fun while building your concise-writing skills with word-loving friends? Want to edify your inner editor? Subscribe to my blog under the heading “Sign Up!” (above right or, on a mobile device, all the way at the bottom). Then, each time I publish a post, you’ll receive an email.

Again, Challenge Sentence 7

It is unlawful to ride a bicycle, horse or any other vehicle on State Game Lands before 1 p.m. from Saturday, April 11th 2015 to Saturday, May 16th 2015 and it is closed all day from Monday, May 18th to Saturday, May 30th, except on Sundays due to Spring Gobbler Season.

Your revision: _______________________ [Scroll to the bottom and put your revision in a comment by Friday, July 17.]

Go!

Index of Challenge Sentences

17 thoughts on “Tighten This! Challenge Sentence 7 [game]

  1. In Spring Gobbler Season, State Game Lands closes (that means no riding bicycles, horses or other vehicles!) before 1 p.m. from 4/11/15 to 5/16/15. From 5/18/15 to 5/30/15, excluding Sundays, the trail remains closed all day.

  2. Warning: Turkey Hunting Season

    Horses, bicycles, and motor vehicles prohibited

    Before 1 p.m. April 11 – May 16
    All day May 18 – May 30

    except Sundays
    ………………..
    BTW that was daring of you to tighten the instructions by eliding the word “July.” I trust this response will reach you before Friday, 17. 😉

  3. NO bicycles, horses or any vehicle before 1 p.m. 4/11/2015 – 5/16/2015 (per State Game Land law).

    CLOSED 5/18-30/2015 (except Sundays) due to Spring Gobbler Season.
    ****************
    First time playing. Be kind. 🙂 The original was inconsistent in the use of years. For consistency, I made the assumption 2015 was true for second half as well as first. Also, I’ll be interested to see if my use of the May multi-date format will pass inspection. Thanks!

  4. Riding vehicles including bicycles or horses here is unlawful before 1 p.m. from Saturday, April 11th 2015 to Saturday, May 16th 2015. During Spring Gobbler Season, except on Sundays, this Park is closed from Monday, May 18th to Saturday, May 30th.

  5. FORBIDDEN: Any transport on State Game Lands before 13:00. From 04/11/15 – 05/16/15

    CLOSED: From 05/18/15 – 05/30/15. With the exception of 05/24/15.

  6. State Game Lands
    4/11/15 to 5/11/16: Bicycles, horses and motor vehicles prohibited before 1:00 p.m.
    5/18 to 5/30 (except Sundays): Closed.

  7. Spring Gobbler Season Dates 2015.
    Saturday, April 11th to Saturday, May 16th: no bicycles, horses or vehicles allowed before 1pm.
    Monday, May 18th to Saturday, May 30th: closed every day except Sundays.

  8. During Spring Gobbler Season, riding bikes, horses, and other vehicles is prohibited by law as listed below.

    April 11 through May 16: Prohibited before 1 p.m. daily.
    May 18 through May 30: Prohibited all day except Sundays.

  9. During 2015 Spring Gobbler turkey season, horse or vehicle riding is prohibited on State Game Lands before 1 pm on April 11 – May 16 and at any time Monday to Saturday from May 18 – 30.

  10. It is unlawful to ride bicycle, horse, or any vehicle on State Game Lands from:

    April 11th to May 15th 2015 – before 1p.m.

    CLOSED:

    May 18th to May 30th – except on Sundays due to Spring Gobbler Season.

  11. 2015 Spring Gobbler Season closures

    It is unlawful to ride bicycles, horses, or vehicles on state game lands during the following times:

    April 11-May 16 before 1 p.m.
    May 18-30 all day, except Sundays

  12. Do not ride your bicycle, horse etc. on State Game lands during the following dates and times:

    Sat. April 11th-Sat. May 16th: After 1PM
    Mon. May 18th-Sat. May 30th: All day

  13. Pingback: Tighten This! Challenge Sentence 8 [game] - Writing.RocksWriting.Rocks

Comments are closed.