Tighten This! A Special Emergency One-Time-Only Revival Competition Edition

Dear Tighteners,

Nine months ago, when we retired the Tighten This! weekly contest, we did so thinking that the contest had transformed the way all people, everywhere, write. We suspect that we came awfully close to doing exactly that. Obviously, though, we missed someone, as you’re about to discover. We—by which we mean, in this case, you—still have work to do.

So we present this Special Emergency One-Time-Only Revival Competition Edition of Tighten This!

The sentence below (spied in an email and submitted to us by faithful word wrangler and frequent Tighten This! champion Julian Cable) contains a word we’ve never seen. It also contains Staff, staffability, Staffability, and staffing. It has nouns galore—and consonance (“process to prevent potential profit”).

Time’s a-wastin’. Let’s get to it.

Effective May 11th, 2017, we have kicked off Sprint 2 of the Staff as Solutioned initiative with the introduction of a formal Domestic approval on Domestic staffability from relevant Staffability approver(s) during the deal release process to prevent potential profit leakage due to staffing issues.

Dig in!

Marcia and Ray

41 thoughts on “Tighten This! A Special Emergency One-Time-Only Revival Competition Edition

  1. We’ve introduced a staffing approval process so that we can retain staff and profits while the deal release process is running. This approval process starts on 11 May 2017.

    (though none of it makes sense to me! I can’t see how having a staffing approval process can ‘prevent potential profit leakage due to staffing issues’)

  2. Sprint 2 of the “Staff As Solutioned” initiative kicks off on Thursday, May 11, 2017. Sprint 2 deals require domestic staffing approval to prevent profit loss.

    (I puzzle over how people who write like this remain employed. From my experience, the message may even involve a “mission-critical” program no one understands. The industry from which I recently retired somehow operates rife with this kind of babble. Cheers!)

    • Ron, Thanks for taking a shot at this one. I puzzle along with you about how people keep their jobs when they write like this. I see an advantage of obfuscating from the writer’s point of view: you get to avoid being accountable. That’s a powerful payoff.

  3. Our poorly named initiative is well underway as we misguidedly add a formal approval to an already cumbersome hiring process.

  4. (Gosh! This is my first time in Tighten This! competitions. I struggled to understand the snippet, but there I go – at least it will be a good exercise for myself. :))

    “To prevent profit loss during the product release, starting from May 11th, 2017 an approval request for the staff affairs is now required.”

  5. One can only guess at that sentence’s meaning (I use the term loosely). Here’s my guess:

    We were afraid of losing money, so now you need approval to hire domestic employees.

    It’s so nice to be back here with my tightening pals!

  6. Original: Effective May 11th, 2017, we have kicked off Sprint 2 of the Staff as Solutioned initiative with the introduction of a formal Domestic approval on Domestic staffability from relevant Staffability approver(s) during the deal release process to prevent potential profit leakage due to staffing issues.

    Take 1: A relevant Staffability approver must now formally approve Domestic staffability to prevent potential profit leakage during the deal release process. This requirement, effective May 11, 2017, is the first step being taken by the Staff as Solution(ed) Initiative Phase 2, called Sprint 2.

    Take 2: Staff as Solution/Sprint 2 intitiates a new requirement effective May 11, 2017 .New staff hires must be approved by the department they will be assigned to in order to ensure they have the required abilities to be effective during the deal release process. This will prevent further profit loss that we have experienced due to the incompetence demonstrated by unapproved and incapable staff.

    Take 3: HR, get your act together!

  7. Context would have been grand! Maybe it means this?

    We kicked off Sprint 2 of a new initiative on May 11 to prevent potential profit loss due to inadequate staffing. You’ll soon see approvers on-hand to assist with your domestic staffing needs as you negotiate new contracts.

  8. To prevent profit loss, we launched sprint 2 of the Staff as Solution initiative by introducing a formal approval process for domestic staffability. Effective as of May 11th.

  9. “HR began Sprint 2 of the “Staff as Solutioned” effort on May 11 by introducing a formal Domestic approval. Our goal is to prevent loss of revenue during deal release.”

    *shrug* As the kids say these days, “I just can’t even!”

  10. ‘Staff as Solutioned’ project sprint 2 on 11 May 2017 included an approval to hire domestic staff to fill gaps and prevent losing money.

  11. I think it’s impossible to figure out what the writer is trying to say. Three interpretations. The first isn’t a guess; it’s certain. The other two are guesses:

    1) Effective 11 May 2017, we desperately need at least one employee who can write coherent English.

    2) On 11 May 2017, we introduced a formal approval policy for domestic hiring. This policy is designed to reduce costly staffing turnover during the deal release process.

    3) On 11 May 2017, we introduced a formal approval policy for domestic hiring to ensure the appropriate level of staffing for projects during the deal release process.

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