Welcome to the concise-writing game, Tighten This! Here’s Challenge Sentence 2:
It is highly unusual to discover a person who has never told a fib.
Your revision: _______________________ [Scroll to the bottom and put your revision in a comment. To be considered for galaxy-wide glory, respond by Friday, June 12.]
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The judges (my husband and I) have arrived at a split decision on the winning revisers of last week’s Challenge Sentence. Since these exercises have no context—and since writing and editing decisions depend on the context—we can’t defend either revision over the other beyond the classic “Oh yeah? OH YEAH?” defense. So we declare the winner … both. (Did we pick correctly? See “How to Play.”)
Winners: Melissa and Chad (with honorary mention to Pat Bradley-White, whose revision matched Chad’s)
Last week’s Challenge Question: If you are entertaining the expectation that you will effectively achieve a measure of success with your content-marketing program, you may want to consider a shift in your thinking: think of it as relationship building instead.
Melissa’s revision: Content marketing? Forget success. Build relationships.
Chad’s revision:Â Successful content marketing builds relationships.
Word-count reduction:Â 83% (Melissa) and 86% (Chad)
Hypothetical translation savings: $1,875,000 (Melissa) and $1,937,500 (Chad)
(How did I arrive at this translation formula? See “Write Tight(er): Get to the Point and Save Millions.”)
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People fib.
Perfect honesty is rare.
Courtesy of Dr. House:
Everybody lies.
If you insist on a sentence that more closely reflects the meaning of the original sentence:
Nearly everybody lies.
Almost everyone fibs occasionally.
Truthiness happens.
(Thank goodness for Stephen Colbert’s contributions to the English language! )
I think both the “winning” sentences discard nuance. And nuance is critical to communication.
Trust me–everyone in the whole bloody world has told a fib.
Everybody lies sometimes.
Everybody lies.
Which was what I put on Facebook earlier, before I was told that Facebook comments don’t count.
Everyone fibs.
We all lie, occasionally.
Rarely do you find a person who never fibbed.
Correction to my own:
Rarely you find a person who never fibbed
Everyone fibs.
If you say you’ve never told a lie, you’re probably fibbing.
I’m not lying when I say everyone fibs.
[Like]
Who is 100% honest?
(Longer sentences are more challenging because they have more nuances.)
Most people have lied at some point.
Who hasn’t told a fib at least once?
Or – a little tighter: Who hasn’t told at least one fib?
Most people have lied.
We’ve all fibbed.
Here’s my edit of the sentence.
“Everyone has lied.”
You could say it shorter, but it’s so negative this way:
“Everyone lies.”
Sounds like a quote from Dr. House.
Are the other parts of the sentence required?
“It’s unusual to find someone who never lies.”
“Everyone lies.” – Dr. House
Most people have fibbed.
I think it is important to not change fib to lie.
Most people fib.
This one is tricker, because I suspect fib doesn’t have a direct translation in many languages. It will either be incorrectly translated as lie, or the translation will add adjectives — like small or inconsequential — thus increasing the word count.
To get around this, you need a more straightforward sentence, like…
All honesty, all the time, is rare.
Non-fibbers are rare.
Val, Got you down for your original Facebook post: June 7 at 8:27pm. And that’s the truth. 🙂
(Almost) Everyone fibs.
Honesty is rare
Few never fib.
Most people lie.
You’ve NEVER told a fib? Liar!
Unusual these days? Honesty!
Partial lie is a lie.
A truthful person is a rare find.
Finding anyone who never fibs is unusual.
Unusual these days? Honesty!
Partial Honesty is a Lie.
You won’t find any 100% honest people in this world.
100% truth is rare.
Good one! Be word, -ly, negative, three syllable word for find, another negative … if only I had some context. What would make a person use this combination of words to express a sentiment?
Are they expressing doubt? Are they expressing delight? Are they avoiding calling someone a liar? Are they calling someone a liar? Are they stating the obvious?
Well, I can’t beat two words, so I’m out.
And that’s the truth.
Liar!
Ooh! ooh! One word with alternate punctuation.
Liar?
Liar.
Liar!
What Honesty?
Truthtellers are rare.
Orig: It is highly unusual to discover a person who has never told a fib.
Attempt A: A perfectly honest person is hard to find.
Attempt B: They’ve never lied? Wow!
Liars are scarce.
Everybody lies.
I assume you’re talking about last week’s winners here, and I will say that my response for this week isn’t how I would actually write it, but more like what I would expect to win.
Who hasn’t told a fib?
Complete honesty is rare.
Never lied? You’re a rarity.
‘Trust me’
Remember, this is a global competition I am NOT an American Politician, therefore I have not been trained to lie with alacrity. 🙂
Truthful people are rare.
It is rare to meet a person who never lies.
Everyone lies.
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Almost everyone lies.
It is unusual to find a person who has never fibbed.